Couples Computer Protocol

With the amount of unlimited access to the internet 24/7, and the amount of free time that is available to some people, it is not uncommon for some partners to get into trouble in Chat rooms, porno sites, face book and other meeting arenas. Although most couples can handle these sites without problems because of limited use, some are involving themselves in relationships other than with their spouses, because it is so easy. Even if they are not actually meeting these people face to face, there is the temptation to do so. It also allows the addicted partner to take away the time that he/she could be connecting to their spouse. For those couples where one partner has already strayed or want to prevent a partner from straying, you might read the Couples Computer Protocol that was forwarded to me by Chris Gersten from SmartMarriages.com. Please send me any comments.

Couples¹ Computer Protocol

The Computer Protocol (CP) is designed to create a commitment to complete
transparency in computer use to increase each partner¹s confidence in the
commitment to fidelity of his/her partner.

Here are a set of rules to help couples avoid the trauma that comes from
discovering hidden relationships and porn use on the computer.

· Share your password with your spouse
· For couples that own computers that require usernames/passwords, it
may be best to have a single account/username for the couple.
· Offer to install web-tracking software to build trust. This device
allows your partner to see every place you have visited on the net. This is
particularly important if trust is an issue in a relationship. If trust has
been violated, or one partner is prone to jealousy, then offering to install
web-tracking software can help restore trust and reduce jealousy.
· Do not create additional email accounts to hide communications from
your spouse.
· Make it clear to your spouse that he/she is welcome to look through
your computer emails.
· Never visit pornography sites.
· Never visit personals sites.
· This includes sites like Craigslist Adult Services and other sites
that are a cover for prostitution services.
· Do not visit open-ended chat-rooms. Only visit chat-rooms that are
issue-specific on issues that you need help with, such as software problems.
Most information can be found through bulletin or message boards or on sites
that do not allow interaction between individuals.

· Instant Messaging
· Make sure your spouse knows or is aware of everyone in your
³buddy/friend² list or knows that she has access to the list at any time.
· Do not engage in IM conversations of a private or provocative nature.
· Do not search for prior boyfriends/girlfriends online.
· Social Networking sites like Facebook, and MySpace are the
exceptions. Former partners may contact you regardless of whether you
initiate contact. In these situations it is always best to inform your
partner and ask for their input/recommendation. This two-way communication
and decision making process builds trust.

· Social Networking
· Facebook/MySpace/LinkedIn/ are all very popular and it is likely that
at least one person in a relationship will have an account. Rules to follow:
1. Make sure to set your relationship status to ³Married² to alert
others that you are taken and post a picture of yourself and your spouse.
2. Have a single account for a couple, e.g. JohnAndJane
Doe@facebook/myspace.
3. If each person wants their own account, make sure to share passwords.
4. Tell your partner when you¹ve added a friend of the opposite gender.
5. Do not carry on private conversations with friends of the opposite
gender via social networking sites.

· Place the family computer in an open place in your home. This reduces
the temptation to browse adult-themed sites and engage in provocative
conversations via computer. This is especially important when there are
children in the home. Children should not be allowed access to the Internet
unless they are in an area where parents can freely observe their activity.

· Designate specific times during the day when you should and should
not use the computer for personal use.