Is It Cheating If it 's On line.?

Hi,

In my practice of couples, I meet so many of you that are devastated because one of you has reconnected with a long lost love on Face book or some other site. There are so many ways now to meet people on line, whether it is in a Chat room, porno site, or social site. It may start out innocently thinking that there is no harm in just saying hello. However, since both of you are probably feeling alienated from each other, this changes quickly. It is easy to just go into a locked room in their home and open the computer. it is so much harder to speak to your spouse and tell each other what you are feeling. It is surprising how many spouses see their partner locked in an office in their home and let them stay there hours without interruption surfing the web. Don't let this happen to you! If your spouse is spending too much time alone on the internet, knock on that door and ask questions. Find out what is going on. Start talking about your relationship. Don't let an affair begin. You don't have to be famous like Arnold Schwartzenegger, or Tiger Woods to have an affair. It could happen to anyone. Read this interesting article. Please let me know if I can help you.

Best Regards,
Beverly

By Tammy Nelson
Is it cheating if it is only online? Some experts say “yes.”

"Online emotional affairs are just affairs that have not become sexual yet..." said Peggy Vaughan, infidelity expert and author of The Monogamy Myth.
Emotional affairs often start on the internet and then develop into sexual relationships quickly. Vaughan says that her research shows that 56% of online affairs moved into real time contact within one week. Shirley Glass, author of Not Just Friends, found that 82% of people who cheated were friends with their lover first.

Click here to take a quick survey on Online Affairs: TAKE ONLINE AFFAIR SURVEY

Research shows that an online relationship may actually threaten your marriage or partnership. Internet relationships develop from screen to emotional or sexual contact. Although this can relieve loneliness and lend a sense of availability to a relationship, it may actually lead to a deeper sense of isolation.

Are you hiding an internet relationship from your partner? Don’t ignore the attraction or interest to someone you are emailing or chatting with. Talk to your partner and let them know you want to stay close and be bonded with them. Decide what kind of transparency is appropriate for both of you as a couple. Tell each other about your online relationships before they become affairs in cyber-time or real-time.

Experts say an affair begins the moment you lie or hide an internet relationship from your partner. Don’t wait until there is already an issue. Sit down with your partner and talk today.

For more info on the work of Peggy Vaughan go to www.dearpeggy.com or Dr. Tammy Nelson email tammy@drtammynelson.com or go to www.drtammynelson.com

Couples Computer Protocol

With the amount of unlimited access to the internet 24/7, and the amount of free time that is available to some people, it is not uncommon for some partners to get into trouble in Chat rooms, porno sites, face book and other meeting arenas. Although most couples can handle these sites without problems because of limited use, some are involving themselves in relationships other than with their spouses, because it is so easy. Even if they are not actually meeting these people face to face, there is the temptation to do so. It also allows the addicted partner to take away the time that he/she could be connecting to their spouse. For those couples where one partner has already strayed or want to prevent a partner from straying, you might read the Couples Computer Protocol that was forwarded to me by Chris Gersten from SmartMarriages.com. Please send me any comments.

Couples¹ Computer Protocol

The Computer Protocol (CP) is designed to create a commitment to complete
transparency in computer use to increase each partner¹s confidence in the
commitment to fidelity of his/her partner.

Here are a set of rules to help couples avoid the trauma that comes from
discovering hidden relationships and porn use on the computer.

· Share your password with your spouse
· For couples that own computers that require usernames/passwords, it
may be best to have a single account/username for the couple.
· Offer to install web-tracking software to build trust. This device
allows your partner to see every place you have visited on the net. This is
particularly important if trust is an issue in a relationship. If trust has
been violated, or one partner is prone to jealousy, then offering to install
web-tracking software can help restore trust and reduce jealousy.
· Do not create additional email accounts to hide communications from
your spouse.
· Make it clear to your spouse that he/she is welcome to look through
your computer emails.
· Never visit pornography sites.
· Never visit personals sites.
· This includes sites like Craigslist Adult Services and other sites
that are a cover for prostitution services.
· Do not visit open-ended chat-rooms. Only visit chat-rooms that are
issue-specific on issues that you need help with, such as software problems.
Most information can be found through bulletin or message boards or on sites
that do not allow interaction between individuals.

· Instant Messaging
· Make sure your spouse knows or is aware of everyone in your
³buddy/friend² list or knows that she has access to the list at any time.
· Do not engage in IM conversations of a private or provocative nature.
· Do not search for prior boyfriends/girlfriends online.
· Social Networking sites like Facebook, and MySpace are the
exceptions. Former partners may contact you regardless of whether you
initiate contact. In these situations it is always best to inform your
partner and ask for their input/recommendation. This two-way communication
and decision making process builds trust.

· Social Networking
· Facebook/MySpace/LinkedIn/ are all very popular and it is likely that
at least one person in a relationship will have an account. Rules to follow:
1. Make sure to set your relationship status to ³Married² to alert
others that you are taken and post a picture of yourself and your spouse.
2. Have a single account for a couple, e.g. JohnAndJane
Doe@facebook/myspace.
3. If each person wants their own account, make sure to share passwords.
4. Tell your partner when you¹ve added a friend of the opposite gender.
5. Do not carry on private conversations with friends of the opposite
gender via social networking sites.

· Place the family computer in an open place in your home. This reduces
the temptation to browse adult-themed sites and engage in provocative
conversations via computer. This is especially important when there are
children in the home. Children should not be allowed access to the Internet
unless they are in an area where parents can freely observe their activity.

· Designate specific times during the day when you should and should
not use the computer for personal use.

Good Morning

Most couples feel under-appreciated by their partners. It is natural to assume our partner is not working as hard as we are and criticize more than we compliment. We take each other for granted despite the important things our partners do for us. When we are unappreciated, we want to do less for each other, not more. It is a good idea to start out every day by telling your partner one good adjective to describe why you love him or her. Give a kiss and a hug. It will kick start your morning and make your partner think of you all day in a positive light. It will work for both of you.